Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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