My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
