So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
