ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
