Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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