totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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