She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
