Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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