sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
