I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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