That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
