I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
