i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
