Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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