My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Never joke about your clitoris.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
