Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
as a side note pls kill me
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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