He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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