And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Randomize
