Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
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