I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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