I just saw a hot homeless man
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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