I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
