I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
