dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
