Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
