im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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