I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
