at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
