I'm eating all of the evidence.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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