Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
