he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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