He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
