Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(916): View more from California

Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"

(1-916): View more from California

High five!

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground

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(585): View more from New York

If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays

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(614): View more from Ohio

Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in

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(917): View more from New York City

Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?

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(865): View more from Tennessee

This is the high leading the old right now

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(302): View more from Delaware

She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.

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(805): View more from California

If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?

(1-805): View more from California

Only if you start before I get home!

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