I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
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