Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
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