The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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