There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
