I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize