So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
