The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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