U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
