so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
