mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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