somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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