she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
