The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize