One girl and one boy is just not enough.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
