Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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