how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize