Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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