Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Rumble strips road head = magical
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize