just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
