She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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