Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Randomize
