yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize