i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
