i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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