Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
