Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
