I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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