You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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