i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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