im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
