the condom got lost in my hair
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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