end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
