I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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