dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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