My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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