I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
