Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
